Touching my Eyeballs

eye_testNot sure why I haven’t done it before, but I have finally taken the plunge and got fitted for contact lens. My glasses are a bit heavy framed and I think they make me look a bit severe. It’s all vanity and I am not ashamed of it. It’s not like I’m getting a face lift.

So I visited my local opticians and they gave me an eye exam. Why do they call it that? It just makes me competitive. If I don’t read the smallest line of letters then I get a bit annoyed. So much so, that it took a force of will to not try and remember the letter sequence and use my memory rather than my eyes. Nevertheless, I ‘failed’ (or ‘passed’) and my eyesight is mole-like enough to warrant wearing a contact lens the thickness of a boneless chicken breast.

The optician put them in the first time and they felt a bit cold and slimy…like a chicken breast in fact. But having perfect vision after years of staring at things like Mr Magoo or wearing glasses like the thick end of the hubble telescope was pretty special. After wandering around like someone with their memory erased, turning even the most mundane object this way and that, I had to remove them – just so I could prove that I could do it.

It proved surprisingly easy, just a quick pinch. I didn’t feel that wierd about touching my eyeballs. My last experience of touching an eyeball was dissecting a bull’s eye in biology. I’m pretty sure that kids can’t do that anymore, too disturbing for them. Or maybe dissecting a bull’s eye is seen as cruel or unnecessary…though eating the rest of the bull as a hamburger in the school cafeteria is perfectly okay.

Putting them in, however, turned out to be a trickier proposition. It took me half an hour at the opticians to put them in, I just couldn’t get my eyes opened wide enough. I did manage to get one in and then quickly managed the other (not sure why…) and then, infuriatingly, I had to take them out again.

The next day I attempted to put them in and spent over an hour trying and eventually gave up. My eyes were red-raw from me holding them open so much. Does everyone find it this difficult? Then – then – yesterday I tried to put them in and it took me five minutes. FFS.


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