Wooden

chimp_shotI went to buy some wood yesterday, for some shelves. I’m not Harrison Ford in Witness or anything, making some kind of bookcase – I’m using brackets. Anyway, I went to Travis Perkins to buy the wood for the shelves. Not hard. This is the actual conversation I had with them, I kid ye not:

MrShev: [sauntering up to man in warehouse full of wood] Hi, I’d like to buy some wood, please.

TP Man: [looks blank] Wood?

MrShev: I’d like to buy some wood…for shelves.

TP Man: Shelves?

MrShev: Shelves…you know? To put books on?

TP Man: Books?

MrShev: [getting a little exasperated by this point] Books…you know? Papery things that you read?

TP Man: [looks blank]

MrShev: Do you sell brackets?

TP Man: Brackets?

MrShev: [Rolls eyes, involuntarily] To hold shelves up.

TP Man: [looks confused] No.

MrShev: [Points to large warehouse with signs saying: tools, ironmongery etc] What about in there?

TP Man: They might.

This is why aliens abduct hicks. Because we won’t miss them from the gene pool. I used screwfix instead.

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