Kids don’t give a monkeys what they wear. Mine don’t at least. We spend a small fortune at H&M and Baby Gap buying Darling Daughter and Darling Son the cutest outfits: little dresses with flowers on; cool, slightly flared hotpants; faux-fur lined jackets; drain-pipe jeans. Our kids have wardrobes to die for. My wardrobe makes me weep every time I swing open the door and I am sure people talk about the ‘man who always wears the same things like Barbie’s Ken.’
Our kids are like a mini Action Man and Barbie – equipped for every occasion and eventuality. Snow? Check – I gots me a snowsuit and badboy MOONBOOTS. Rain? Check me raincoat and matching wellies. Swimming? Aye, check it: neoprene. Keeps me botty warm and protects me from the suns evil rays. Sunshine? I got me some shapes, a selection of baseball hats and parasols. It took me – literally – years to acquire this kind of kit for myself.
Except the parasol. That would make me weird.
So we buy all this lovely clothing that our kids paint in, and eat and smear horrible substances over and then we wash it and it looks cruddy and then we buy more stuff and why? In the hope that someone will stop us in the street and say: your kids are too cool for skool…thus you are. Er…no. Ain’t going to happen.
Kids don’t get it. I had this conversation with Darling Son recently:
MrShev: Hey, we got you a new snowsuit!
Darling Son: Wooo…! [he does a funny little jig]
MrShev: …these bits are refective…and it’ll keep you all toasty and warm…and it’s waterproof.
Darling Son: Can I put it on over my jimmies?
MrShev: You could, but it’s better to put normal clothes on – jimmies are for sleeping in.
Darling Son: Can I put it on now?
MrShev: We’re not going out now.
Darling Son: But I want to…
MrShev: You’ll get too hot if you put it on inside. That’s why it’s called a snowsuit, because it’s for wearing in the snow.
Darling Son: [bottom lip starts to go] But…
MrShev: Oh, okay then. [we struggle to get him into the snowsuit and he puts up the hood and everything.]
Darling Son: I’m hot now.
What I have found weird is that suddenly he just wanted everything to have Spiderman on it. Why? Where did he get the influence from? Now that I look, every kid in Switzerland is a walking homage to web slinger – Spiderman is too old for him (as films and comics). They don’t do a pre-school version of Spiderman where he uses his special abilities to sing songs and help people believe in themselves (which is the message of just about every kids show I watch…) so it’s a mystery.