Some dumb-ass fool has nominated me for a MAD. I love what they’ve done here: Mum and Dad makes the acronym M.A.D and is also a reference to the ker-razy life one leads being a parent (‘I’ve got two kids, I’m mad me – bonkers!’) This kind of dual-action, double meaning wordplay makes me want to jump in the air and click my heels like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Really, it does.
I clicked through to their website and saw with a mounting sense of horror that they are sponsered by Butlins* and that if I were to win one of these awards my family and I might have to live POW style in some camp in Lowestoft with our only salvation some weak plastic spades that we could use in an escape attempt. This, however, proved to be a slanderous falsehood and M.A.D (‘I’ve got vomit in my hair – it’s bananas in our house!’) are actually giving real stuff – stuff you’d actually want – to winners of the awards.
I’ve been nominated for two awards; Blog of the Year and Funniest Blog. The first ain’t gonna happen because I am sure Alpha Mummy and Wife in the North are blitzkrieging the MAD (‘I’ve got a piece of Playdoh wedged in my arsecrack – it’s a mad round ours!’) offices with promises of chocolate brownies in the shape of the MAD (‘I woke up with no eyebrows! Those crazy kids!’) logo and free product placement for perpetuity. Added to this fact that the judges are probably reading this post so I am doubly buggered (I am sure there is a pornography technical term for this…).
So, what could I win then? Well…
- iPhone 3Gs I already have one, Ebay!
- Flip HD Video Camera I already have one of these too, Ebay!
- Dell 15″ Studio Laptop I have an iMac and a powerbook so having a PC darken my apartment, unless used as a tea tray or something, would be pointless, EBAY!
- £200 worth of John Lewis vouchers Now you’re talking. Add this this the above Ebay totals and we’re talking flat screen, HD tv. Rockstar.
I don’t know how they judge it; whether you have to get loads of nominations and then you win (which is like saying that Will Young is better than Neil Young) or once you get nominated the judges read all the blogs and then pick the best. If it’s he former then vote for me as I really want a flat screen TV; if voting makes no difference then wish me luck because I would love an award just as an acknowledgement of what I am doing.
Anyway: Just vote for me: funniest blog award and blog of the year. For the kids, man. They want a bigger tele.
* Butlins is, I am told, bloody awesome if you have young children when being in a minimum security compound has distinct advantages. I don’t think they have alsatians and guard towers or anything. But they do wear quasi-military uniforms, which is a worry.