Greatest Hits

To celebrate hitting 10,000 hits of my blog and to felate any new readers with my old posts that they can’t be arsed to don’t have time to read because they are far too interesting and good looking to wade through the morass of words that is the blogosphere I have compiled a short Greatest Hits list based on…greatest number of hits (the title works on many levels…).

  1. Friendliness This is a post about when we first moved t’country and how random tweed wearers would bother us for no good reason other than to talk to someone who wasn’t a dog.
  2. Hoovers I must have been on antibiotics this day, because this is a bewildering post about Hoovers, Argos and Dysons. I am not 100% sure why this is so popular but it must be something to do with people researching vacuum cleaners on Google.
  3. Great Things About Switzerland – Part 1 There is only one reason why this post is so popular: the Swiss. They’re always watching, always…and they only like to read nice things.
  4. I Love Breakfast I still stand by everything I said in this post: breakfast is the best meal of the day. This is 100% factorial empiricism.
  5. Speaking French Why are the French still so obsessed with grammer? Why do some things have to be feminine and some not? I still don’t understand…I don’t think anyone does.
  6. Tortured by Midgets Sleep deprivation inflicted by children. Lack of sleep + small people = tortured by midgets.
  7. Crap Things About Switzerland – Part 2 There is only one reason why this post is so popular: the Swiss. They’re always watching, always…and they like to read criticism and then dwell on it, let it fester, and then they will creep into my house at night, (all 12,000 of them) silently selecting the most bizarre Army Knife attachment and do something horrible to me. There might also be cheese involved.
  8. Dish Ownership Fish fingers rock, but adults cannot eat them unless you are Captain Birdseye…but he’s probably sick of fish and eats BLTs and waffles all day.
  9. The Pit of Hades This isn’t a post about Swindon, no, but a post about how horrible the interior of our car got.
  10. Carrot & Stick Things my kids do wrong. Don’t worry, your kids don’t do any of these things.

So, if you’re new here then I hope that you enjoyed being felated with my verse and please, please comment or at the very least vote for me. Link is on the left sidebar.

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18 thoughts on “Greatest Hits

  1. For a long time my most popular post was a throwaway one I did on the Bristol Stool Chart – a diagram used for analyzing the consistency of poo.

  2. It’s amazing what gets people’s attention isn’t it? I love looking at blog stats, particularly the search engine terms people use to find me – often worrying things like ‘dirty mummy’ or ‘dirty women in fishnets’ – but sometimes completely bizarre things that make you wonder what on earth the link is!

    1. I have some really, really bizarre clickthroughs as well.

      I have a site linking to me that is composed entirely of ginger men, with erections in woodland settings. Wtf?

  3. I have voted for you!! you are one funny mother
    thanks for fellating me while I imagined myself part of a swiss orgy with plenty of melted cheese and crutons
    xx
    I have linked you baby!!

    1. I will linky back – it’s good web karma.

      Swiss orgys are the same as regular ones except everyone keeps their socks on…or something.

  4. Pingback: Eh, Mummy?
    1. Thanks! Glad you like it. It was designed by a process called: ‘design by a thousand paper cuts,’ in which a design is completed in thousands of 20sec sessions…

  5. Thank you for the Greatest Hits. I have about 2 mins left until the house is demolished completely – either by 4 revolting monsters or by their father saying something about ‘bedtimes’ – (after 11 years of this shit I no longer speak normal English. I don’t understand these adulty words or worlds…….) Anyway I quickly picked out 3 hits – living rural-scope, sleep-deprivation and the filthpit mobile. I must say you mentioned that Ford freak more than once without recommending a public hanging but apart from this it is all horribly familiar. I’ll try and catch up with the other gobbets when I next extricate myself from parental devotions. Say what? Just whatever you do please don’t suddenly go all Good Parenty when my back is turned. Hang on in there being all grumpy and bad. Good parenting is well over-rated and your children won’t thank you for it – but they will need good stories to tell down the pub later on. x

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